I don’t ever want to ‘grow’ on someone. I want to hit them between the eyes or not at all. And vice versa. The idea that somebody can grow on you with repeated viewings is just totally absurd. What’s going to happen? You develop chemistry? No, what can happen is that, for example you spend a lot of time physically close together, say ballet dancing or perhaps in an underground lab doing evil experiments that nobody else knows about and you develop something between you. But even if it was developed in a lab, I’d venture to say it still might not be chemistry: it might be that thing that is wrought out of proximity, need and circumstance, that you think is passion, but in reality is just damn release of tension that has been building up over time. You know, like the office affair. This is what some might call a relationship of convenience. We’ve all had them. But only a fool mistakens it for the real thing.
I like to deal in the high-grade stuff: pure chemistry. There are five or six men in my life who have thrown me sideways upon first contact. I should add that I am not sure if it is five or six mainly because I am trying to remember what happened in my twenties and I can’t remember all of it. I would further caution that this data is is pretty dated as my recent personal – as in sexual – life has largely been a shambles, kind of reflecting the state of everything else in my life. The result is that the ante has been upped. Now, some of you might say well WOE perhaps your standards should not be so exacting? To which I would reply, ** Dear Reader, all we have in our lives is these very standards. As Marcus Aurelius* and my mum would say, we have nothing else in our lives we can control, so let’s do a decent job of what we can control. You lower your standards, you have sweet fuck all left in your life. You start calling an average meal a good one and pretty soon, well, all you’re getting is average. Once you’ve slipped, the way up is very, very difficult indeed. Soon, people start convincing you that you like brussels sprouts. So you eat them even though you hate them with a passion. You feel cheap and dirty but you have sunk so far you can do nothing about it. Believe me, it happens.
* Marcus said virtue. Same. All you can control is your immediate self.
**Or I might not bother.