On very rare occasions I like to forget that I am a sexually confident woman and immerse myself in articles about how women should really act around men. The thing is I do not go looking for these articles. They seem to find me when I am meant to be browsing erotica, or recipes. It is rather distracting. One minute you are cross-referencing recipes for lime and coconut tart or browsing some BDSM. The next you find yourself being told what men really like. Purely coincidentally, it strikes me that a lime coconut confection, followed by BDSM, would pretty much be the dream for any bloke worth knowing. I am, however, an extremely open-minded woman and like to think the higher power of the internet has chosen me to listen and understand.
Apparently, women today are so strong, they are ‘taking the pleasure of pursuit from men’. This is what I read on a site. It made me sad. I hate taking stuff from men but I’ve done it. I’ve taken their jobs, watched their sports and slept with their best mates. I now realise that while men had appeared delighted when I’d propositioned them, I had taken their desire to pursue. Apparently you need to let them (men) ‘guide the flow of energy.’ I have got this very wrong. I thought by propositioning them I let the energy flow to the right place and then we both enjoyed ourselves. I have decided I do not want to take any more joy from them as their lives are saturated in despair. Because I am a WOE I have found the solution for playing hard to get in our connected age. The teenage 1970s was a joyful time, when there was only the landline, a sighting at school or a friend to relay a message. I think if we apply 1970s hard-to-get practices to modern technology we have something. So I have decided that I will forward all my calls to my mum and she can reply on my behalf. If I remember rightly, the replies will go something like this:
“She’s not here. Didn’t she tell you she was going away?”
“She’s doing her homework.”
“It’s after 9pm. Can you ring back tomorrow at an earlier time perhaps?”
“She told you she doesn’t like you she’s out with your mate.” (My mum is blunt.)
“You have to stop this and find yourself a nice girl.”
I, of course, will be completely and utterly inaccessible, a situation that is guaranteed to make them chase harder if those American rules women are correct. In true 1970s adolescent style I will ask my friend Suzanne to make a date with them for me and then I won’t turn up because I’ll be sleeping with his best friend.