Valentine’s for her. Beer and Blowjob for him

(This is an edited version of a piece I wrote back in the halcyon blogging days of 2008)

I do not generally enjoy group behaviour unless it’s an MMF. So Valentine’s Day and its forced adherence to a strange notion of public love, does little for me. I believe that is the case for most men who find it tortuous but will nonetheless be coerced into doing the Right Thing. She will be aware that you do it out of duty and knows the flowers she receives are meaningless but she wants them. And she wants it done with meaning, even if it is not meant at all, which she knows is probably the case since the unspoken agreement is that you are doing your duty.

Valentine’s Day is only about men in so far as those who do not comply are shamed and their chances of sex greatly diminished. Men need their own day. As it is for men it should be simple and easy to understand. Beer and Blowjob Day should do it. But, as with Valentine’s it must reflect true romance and depth of feeling.

Imagine then the tales of Beer and Blowjob Day gone wrong as men gather with mates afterwards.

“Honestly mate it was just tacky. I was expecting the whole bit, frilly bed linen, candles, soft teddy bear, heart shaped cushions and what did I get. She just grabbed me at the front door before I could even get inside and took my cock in her mouth. I felt dirty. I never want to go through that ever again.”

“Next thing you know she’ll do it while you’re watching the rugby…”

“Oh mate, I can’t even bear to think about it. I mean is this what we’ve become. Animals?”

“Yeah, last year she wrote me a poem and pinned pink paper hearts everywhere..and it made me feel special and you know, really put me in the mood for a blow job. This year, she just pushed me up against the wall in an alleyway, blew me and then said, “Right now we’ll go to the pub. Horrible. I felt so dirty and disgusting.”

“My partner was too busy this year. Or so she says. So she just got one of those Dial a Blowjob services to come round to work and do it. Trouble was the girl was doing six other guys as well. I just felt like she did it because she had to.”

“It’s all got too commercialised. Used to be a blowjob meant something; you know, it was really special and you knew she really cared about you but now everyone’s doing them it’s not the same.”

“I ask myself sometimes: Did she want to swallow? I mean she did it but did she do it because it was Beer and Blowjob Day? I just don’t want her to if she’s not doing it out of love and respect. I really want it to be something we share.”

Predictably there will a backlash against Beer and Blowjob Day as men refuse to take part on the grounds that it is simply mass exploitation. As one said, “When a woman goes down on her knees, I want to know I’m the only one for her.”

14 comments for “Valentine’s for her. Beer and Blowjob for him

  1. Terry Tyler
    February 9, 2015 at 08:24

    Brilliant, love it. Perhaps if this type of man stopped being such twats they’d find the sort of women who do them because they like doing them, ha ha!

    Husband and I ignore the whole dumb charade. It’s supposed to be about secret admirers, you morons, not just another $$$ day for retailers.

  2. Peter Rabbit
    February 13, 2015 at 19:49

    Sweaty palms, it’s B ‘n’ B eve… and then she says we are off to 50 shades of grey. P ‘n’ P then (Popcorn ‘n’ Porn)

  3. woe
    February 13, 2015 at 23:21

    I can do without the popcorn. Or the 50 shades. Stay home, put on Suede ‘Drowners’ and make some real life filthy porn. But that’s just me.

    • Peter Rabbit
      March 2, 2015 at 21:25

      Just did that. The first bit. Can’t make porn on own unfortunately. I’ll send you my number and perhaps you can make some with me.

      • woe
        March 4, 2015 at 09:43

        I’m always up for some gentle pornography.

  4. Peter Rabbit
    March 5, 2015 at 21:50

    Excellent. Is it ok if I bring my cameraperson along? She is doing a PhD in film studies.

    • woe
      March 5, 2015 at 21:53

      A ‘he’ might be more fun.

  5. Peter Rabbit
    March 5, 2015 at 22:15

    She is fired. I will bring along my gardener. He knows how to handle himself.

  6. woe
    March 5, 2015 at 22:21

    Oh now you are tempting me. It’s been a while since I had a playdate like that.

  7. woe
    March 5, 2015 at 22:22

    BTW Mr Rabbit, you didn’t tell me how much you enjoyed Fifty Shades of Absolutely Nothing.

  8. Peter Rabbit
    March 6, 2015 at 22:28

    I am a regular contributor on IMDB. They don’t allow minus scores. It was like watching a best by dated chemistry set. A poor man Harold Robbins. I found my popcorn more erotic.

  9. woe
    March 6, 2015 at 23:04

    Ha ha. Brilliant description Mr Rabbit.

  10. Peter Rabbit
    March 7, 2015 at 18:13

    It’s spring out there. How about another post. Something on young lovers. Perhaps the latest survey on man hoods? Or even better, your thoughts on porn addiction?

  11. woe
    March 7, 2015 at 21:00

    I have been in Australia for the past month visiting family and got back a week ago. Still jet lagged. I was going to post a picture of me at the beach doin my Ursula Andress thing. Young lovers? Too boring. Porn addiction is something I don’t have though I do have a penchant for erotic literature…it’s a word thing. I had a lame date a few days ago but it’s not worth writing about. Let me see….

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